You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
