i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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