She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
