Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
