I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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