weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My cat gives me a boner
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
