I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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