Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
