I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
