He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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