is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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