So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
