Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
