Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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