so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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