I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
