Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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