My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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