In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
