so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
