He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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