two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
