Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
