You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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