when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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