There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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