That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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