He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
