so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
