CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
