Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
