I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
