Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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