party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
