I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
