I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
