I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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