she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
