another moral hangover. fuck.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
