I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
