"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
