I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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