so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
