no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
