I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
