I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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