Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
