Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
