that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
