I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
