carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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