dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
