we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
