I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
