Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
