she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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