Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
