Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
