He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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