Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm really busy with my period
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