if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
