How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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