Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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