I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
