her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
