those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
