I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
