Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
