I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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